The Jeremy Effect
by SciFiQueen
Summary: Who says matchmaking has to be difficult? Meet Jeremy, the resident expert.


The Jeremy Effect

_In order to gently nudge two stubborn geniuses, you need the being with a mix of the aforementioned genes._

The doctors in the Diagnostic Suite were in heated debate. Cameron was trying to convince House to take a case with Chase tagging along for moral support. He tried talking her out of it because he knows what she becomes around House and he didn't especially like it.

Foreman was being the circus master trying to keep the debate civilized between his former colleagues and the current ducklings. House was seated at the head of the table eating a bagel and reading _Garfield. _ At the point where Foreman gave up House yelled, "Enough!" The room became quiet and he proceeded to the white board and wrote the symptoms which the patient reportedly had.

"You two, sit." House commanded pointing to Cameron and Chase.

House looked at his six doctors and thought of the fun he would have with all these doctors running in circles.

As he was shooting down their theories, a young man slipped in to the conference room. He was about 6 feet tall with shoulder length dark hair.

"May be metabolic," added the guy.

All eyes turned towards him as he approached the table and took a seat.

"Of course, that would be your answer," replied House.

"House, who is he?" asked Cameron, getting the question out before everyone else.

"Let's call him Jesus, and don't listen to him. He is an idiot."

The focus left the patient and the ducklings started firing questions around the room.

Dr. Cuddy pushed open the door and yelled, "House, we can hear you all from the hall. Teach them to speak like the professionals they are supposed to be or nozzle them!"

At this, the young intruder jumped up and approached Cuddy saying, "Mamma mia, good morning."

She gave him a weary look and asked, "Are you employed by this hospital?" At his negative answer, she continued "then get out of here." He stretched his hand to her and she gave him a $20 bill. She left shortly after giving all the doctors a look of warning about keeping it down.

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"Why did Cuddy give him money? You know who that is," accused Cameron looking at House.

House rolled his eyes and replied, "Are you deaf?" He refused to continue and drew them back to the differential. Twenty five minutes later, the ducklings were off to run tests.

Cameron stalked the guy and was waiting for him when he exited the male bathroom on the second floor.

"Who are you?" she asked him folding her hands across her chest.

"Jeremy, and you?" he replied.

"Cameron," she said and blocked his path.

"Get out of my way," he challenged and was quite amused when she scrunched her face and lifted her head to meet his eyes. "I like your spunk, meet me after work and we'll 'talk.' You won't be sorry." He winked at her and calmly stepped around a shocked Cameron.

Cameron decided to go to the source for the information and caught up with Wilson at the nurse's desk.

"Wilson, do you know who Jeremy is?" she questioned.

"No, what's going on?" he replied.

"That's what I'm going to find out from Cuddy," she huffed and began to walk away.

"She's at a budget meeting;" Wilson called after her, "why don't we go to my office and you can tell me what it is that got you so worked up." Cameron had no choice so she followed Wilson to his office and told him what happened that morning.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

At 5PM, House exited PPTH and spied Jeremy leaning casually against a lamp post.

"Don't you have anything better to do than loiter?" inquired House.

"I am waiting for your girlfriend. She stalked me outside the head. Told her to meet me after work," replied Jeremy.

"Cameron's insane. Too inquisitive, just like Jimmy," rejoined House.

"When do I meet Wilson?" asked Jeremy.

"When I'm sure he won't die of a heart attack," answered House. "Be careful with Cameron."

"Aww, relax big G. I'll let her down gently. Think she will hit on mom next? I mean, you took her on a date. She stalked me…" continued Jeremy.

"And I used to think you had no sense of humour kid. See ya later," replied House as he mounted his bike and rode off.

Cameron never showed and at 6PM Jeremy left and went home.

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House really didn't appreciate the constant banging on his door in the middle of _Smackdown_.

"It's open," he hollered.

When Jeremy appeared in the living room, he handed House a six pack of beer.

"At least you had the good sense to be useful," grumbled House taking one of the beers. "You here for a particular reason?" asked House.

"Can't a guy visit his daddy dearest?" replied Jeremy sitting next to House on the couch and drinking from his sports drink.

"I already give you money. Don't expect anything else. Now shut it," said House.

When the show was over, Jeremy said "I am happy about the money. Do you even know how much it is?"

"About 2 grand a month," groused House and added "parasite" for good measure.

"Yeah, like when I was a baby," replied Jeremy. "You, my very own generous daddy, give me 25 grand a month."

"What!" bellowed House, "that can't be right."

"You set it up so that I get 10% of your salary after tax. I sure enjoyed the pay raises over the years," Jeremy couldn't help but grin at House's shocked expression. It was the only time in his life that his dad had ever been speechless.

"I could have been fine not knowing that. You are the devil," replied House.

"I guess I will have to part with another 10% for the sprog," House sighed resignedly.

"Ha, I knew it!" laughed Jeremy, "you like her."

"Who?" asked House playing dumb.

"Please dad, dumb doesn't look good on you. You like Rachel," answered Jeremy. At House's attempt to contradict him, he continued "you are going to give her money. Money which you don't have to give her. But you will just because she's mom's daughter."

"Yeah, well I'll give her yours. You will be 21 next month," scoffed House.

"Don't you dare old man! You said "another 10%." That means you can't take mine. It's not like you spend your money every day," replied Jeremy.

"Your ruthless Cuddy genes are rearing their ugly head," House added in defeat.

"So, when are you gonna man up and take her out?" asked Jeremy.

House tried valiantly to appear obtuse. Jeremy rolled his eyes.

"I don't want to take anyone out," replied House. "I have my hookers. They are less needy."

"Riiiggghhtttt," drawled Jeremy, "that's why your eyes follow mom all the time, and why you invade her personal space and look down her shirt."

"Everyone can see down her shirt and she is hot," snapped House.

"Everyone can, but only you make it your mission to look," teased Jeremy. He just can't help himself when it comes to egging his dad about his mom.

"Yeah, well she wears those shirts for me," concluded House.

Jeremy laughed and looked at House with his trademark smirk and said, "dad, you are completely whipped. And you aren't even getting any."

"Hey, that's your mother you're talking about!" yelled House as he limped to put the rest of his beer in the fridge.

"She's going on a date tomorrow," shouted Jeremy.

"The hell she is," replied House grabbing his keys and helmet.

"Where are you going?" asked Jeremy as if he didn't already know.

"To have a few words with your mother. Stay here," commanded House.

Jeremy popped his legs on the coffee table and switched the TV back on. All the amateurs at PPTH just didn't know how to play matchmaker. To be fair, Jeremy has been plotting since he was 6 years old. Previous schemes were too childish but now he knows which buttons to push on his parents.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Cuddy heard the bike and decided it was as good a time as any to stop working. She had just finished putting away her paperwork when House's cane sounded on the door. When she opened the door, he walked in and placed his helmet on a bookshelf.

"And you are here because?" asked Cuddy.

"That parasite you call a son is the spawn of Satan," he replied.

"Would that make you Satan, or is that me?" inquired Cuddy with a raised eyebrow.

House narrowed his eyes dangerously and the next thing Cuddy knew is that she is pressed up against House as he leaned against the wall. All thoughts of continuing their conversation vanished as his lips crashed hers. Whatever the hell has gotten into him, she couldn't figure at the moment so she opened her mouth and allowed him entrance.

They were both lost in the feelings of being together again. House poured himself into the kiss moving one hand into her hair and the other down her spine where he massaged her lower back. Cuddy moaned and anchored her hands in his hair. When they broke for air, Cuddy rested her head on House's chest. She tried moving after a moment but he won't let her out of his arms. He started kissing her again only more demanding this time. This kiss ended when their hands entwined and Cuddy led them to her bedroom.

Any thought of slow went through the window as they neared the bed. House removed her robe and quickly pulled her nightgown over her head. Since he never bothered to wear his jacket when he left home, his shirt and t-shirt joined Cuddy's effects on the floor followed by his jeans and boxer shorts. She slipped her panties off and they collided like opposite poles of a magnet. Hands rediscovering familiar yet different territories, mouths clashing in alternately hard kisses and little nibbles.

Both wanted to slow down but were slaves to their starving bodies. He was already hard and she was ready. Finesse would have to come at a later session of love making. House groaned as he entered her. She arched her back and hissed "yes." Even in their sexual haze, House waited for her to adjust and started pumping into her in a frantic pace. One orgasm followed the other and they lay panting with House's weight a welcome one.

He placed a soft kiss on the side of her mouth and flipped them over. She was about to move away to give him space since she had never really engaged in much afterplay. But House stopped her by spooning.

"Do I even want to know what's gotten into you tonight?" she asked quietly.

"Missed you that's all," he replied and couldn't stop himself from adding, "We know what got into you though."

She gave a dirty laugh and shook her head saying, "shut up."

"Good night to you too my evil empress," he replied.

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Cuddy woke House after she had dressed and headed to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. When he appeared Rachel was in her chair eating pancakes. House kissed her head as he passed to go grab some coffee. Rachel eyes followed his every move and she giggled when he kissed Cuddy.

"You kissed my mommy," she said.

"Yeah, I did mini spawn," he replied and headed out.

"House, don't call her that!" admonished Cuddy.

She sat at the table and had a quick breakfast. A few minutes later, they left. After dropping Rachel off at playschool, Cuddy headed to work and her 9 'o clock meeting.

House meanwhile had just finished showering and was waiting for Jeremy to get dressed. They arrived at PPTH at quarter past 10. He directed them to the Oncology department. As usual, House barged into Wilson's office and said, "I'm hungry, let's go eat."

"Fine House," muttered Wilson when he noticed a young man with House. "This must be Jeremy, the guy who's got Cameron on the prowl."

"It is nice to finally meet you Dr. Wilson," said Jeremy shaking hands with his dad's friend.

"You don't have to be so formal. Call him Uncle Jimmy, or Godfather. He runs the Jewish mafia. Maybe he'll take you in, you being half Jew and all," contributed House.

"House, how many times do I have to tell you I don't run the Jewish mafia? I'm not even a lieutenant," added James.

Wilson returned to his chair as Jeremy sat on his couch. House tapped his cane impatiently and when they paid him no attention, he joined them in the office.

"So…" started Jimmy.

"Jeremy, my son, meet James, the best friend," said House.

Wilson sputtered and then exclaimed, "What! Son? How? When? Who?"

"Yes son," replied House, "you've been married countless times so you know how. 21 years ago and how many Jewish girls you think I've schtupped?"

Jeremy was really enjoying this meeting. He always loved his dad's craziness.

"Don't mind him Uncle Jimmy. I've wanted to meet you for a long time but mom said he had to make the introduction since you are his only friend," chimed Jeremy.

Wilson still didn't want to believe what he already figured so he asked, "your mom is?"

"You know its Cuddy!" yelled House. "Who else do you think I'd want to have kids with?"

"And you never said anything. I can't believe both of you kept this from me," lamented Wilson.

"That's because you're the hospital's gossip," answered House.

Wilson shook his head and smiled thinking of all his attempts to push House and Cuddy together without knowing what their previous relationship really was. He soon turned his attention to Jeremy.

"So what do you do?" asked Wilson.

"Just got my masters in biochemistry from _Wayne State_," replied Jeremy, "and I'm taking the year off to travel a bit. Then its med school I guess."

"You better not let your mother hear that you are 'guessing', she'd kick your ass," added House.

"Hey! Mom loves me," claimed Jeremy.

"You think that'll stop her from kicking your ass?" asked House.

"I get your point," said Jeremy.

"OK people; let's continue this in the cafeteria. 'I am hungry' was my opening line," hollered House.

Wilson and Jeremy followed him. As Wilson was about to pay, House pointed to Jeremy and said, "The parasite there will pay."

Jeremy paid without a fuss and Wilson was glad to finally have someone else pick up the tab. They sat at a table midway through the deserted cafeteria. House told Jimmy that he and Cuddy had already broken up when she discovered that she was pregnant. They decided to keep the baby and since he was already a fellow they opened a joint bank account so that he could send her money for the baby's support. Her scholarship didn't cover family and they didn't want their child to be a burden to her parents. Over the years, House always made it to the birthdays and whatever else he can manage. He got a sad look when Jeremy recalled how House thought him to ride a bike and the runs they use have in the park or when he taught him to throw a football. The conversation ended when Wilson was paged.

"Jimmy," warned House, "not a word to anyone."

Wilson made a zipping motion and left.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jeremy entered the ER and saw Cameron busy sorting charts. He crept up behind her and whispered, "Dr. Cameron, you stood me up."

She whipped around and sputtered, "I have a boyfriend."

"Oh, you broke my boyish heart," he replied with amusement.

After a few more minutes of teasing a flustered Cameron, he left to do something more constructive.

Cuddy walked into her office and groaned when she saw the files sent by the department heads for her final signature. Diagnostics were not present as usual. She placed the notebook from her meeting on her desk and was about to leave when she saw the note on her computer screen telling her that Jeremy was picking up Rachel from her half-day school. With a weary smile she took a break on her couch feeling happy that her son was so willing to help with his sister.

House made his usual entrance, joined her on the couch and gave her a container announcing, "lunch."

"You stole Wilson's food again?" she inquired.

"Does that mean you're not gonna eat it?" he asked without remorse.

"I'm too hungry to feel sorry for him," she replied already digging into the pasta salad.

"He met the original spawn today," said House. Since her mouth was full he continued, "They got on fine. He was a bit overly dramatic that neither of us told him. Your son now wants to join the Jewish mafia."

"According to you, I am the Mafia Princess so Jeremy is already a member of the family," she lobbed.

"Nicely played;" complimented House. _God this woman makes my day!_

As she was about to comment, Jeremy walked in with Rachel. Rachel raced over to her mom for a hug and excitedly shared her day. Jeremy informed his mom that he was taking Rachel to see their grandparents for the weekend.

"Yeah," squealed Rachel, "We go see nana."

Cuddy gave the OK and started cautioning Jeremy about driving safely and to call as soon as he arrived. He waited patiently for her to finish then said, "Yes mom, I will be careful and call."

As Cuddy started another set of instructions House cut her off with, "Please woman, let him leave already."

"Bye mom," smiled Jeremy "and bye dad," he added with a wink. "Let's get this show on the road baby," he directed at the three year old still sitting in Cuddy's lap.

Rachel hugged her mom and said "bye mom" a little less excitedly when she realized that her mom wasn't coming too. She then walked over to House and said "bye dad" in a soft voice. It was the first time she ever called him that, in fact; it was the first time she called him anything.

House smiled and gave her a hug which she returned with a wide smile. "Bye you two parasites," he said in a gentle tone.

Cuddy eyes brightened at the scene, she wanted so much to hug him at that moment too. She got up and kissed both her children goodbye. When they left she returned to her chair and decided to look over at least the files from one department.

House kept his place on the couch and asked her to dinner. He wasn't sure if the demon child had lied.

"I'm having dinner with someone tonight," Cuddy replied distractedly "we can go tomorrow."

"Lisa, what do you mean you're having dinner with someone?" House asked darkly.

"It's Robert Peterson, a donor," she replied and looked up. At his openly jealous expression, she continued "for God's sake House, it's just dinner. You have nothing to worry about."

She can see him clam up and virtually see the walls re-forming. Cuddy left her chair and sat beside him on the couch. "Greg," she started, "you know its part of my job. Some of the men are jerks and would hit on me. I can handle them. You know that. Nothing will happen. We will have dinner, he'll write a check and I'll come home to you."

He pouted some more and answered, "yeah, but I don't have to like it. And you bet your ass you're coming home to me."

"You're sweet when you go all Neanderthal on me," she teased.

"I'll show you Neanderthal if your hospital didn't have glass walls and I wasn't afraid you'd kick my ass," he threw at her.

Cuddy laughed and replied, "Yeah, you're sooo afraid of me. I may die from a cardiac arrest running after you to kick your ass."

She got up to return to her desk when he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into his lap. She indulged in a quick hug and attempted to move again when he kissed her. _This man knows just how to make me want to stay in his arms _she thought. House knew he should stop behaving like a horny teenager but with Lisa Cuddy it is always all or nothing.

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They left together at 6PM and since she refused to go on his bike; he waited with her for the cab and followed to her house.

Her date was for 8PM and as she came into the living room, House called her a cab. He loved how she looked in her simple black dress that flared from the waist to just below her knees. The thin straps were offset by the choker necklace she wore.

"You look gorgeous," he observed "I thought you were wearing the blue number."

"I wanted to," she told him pointedly "but since you were such a moron and gave me a hickey last night, I have to hide it with make-up and the choker as insurance."

He smirked roguishly and wrapped his arms around her from behind. Resting his chin on her shoulder he said, "That's because you taste and smell so good. I'm surprised you didn't bitch about it all day. That high neck blouse sent the twins into hiding."

"Remember that next time you feel the need to _mark_ me," she rejoined, "I'll have to cover up and you won't get a chance to ogle my chest at work."

"Hmmm, well I'll see them at home and I can always double my focus on your ass," he concluded.

"You are incorrigible. Rachel will be an adult before you start acting like one," she replied.

Whatever would have been his response was cut short when the cab pulled up. He walked her to the door and kissed her.

"Lisa, you know I love you," stated House.

"I know," replied Cuddy.

"So, what now?" asked House, "You need to tell me what happens next."

"We have all weekend to talk, Greg," she smiled happily, "be back as soon as I can."

"I'll be here," he responded and watched her walk down the footpath to her evening out.

The End.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this. And no darlings, I will not continue this story. I can't, it will drive me crazy. At a sane interval, I will resume writing. This one was playing around in my head and now that it has been exorcized, I can begin the weaning stage from writing fics.

Xoxox

Yours,


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